Control what you can control: How adopting an internal focus for change is a game changer
Perhaps some of the major difficulties in life is that we are surrounded by things outside of our control. Whether that be the weather (sorry not sorry), the place we were born, time in history we are alive, current economic state and most of all other people – we are forced to grapple with the reality that the lives we are living are heavily influenced by factors that we can only somewhat influence or have to accept at best. While an acceptance attitude is somewhat of a requirement for good psychological functioning, attention needs to be equally paid to what we do have agency in. This is where understanding of locus of control comes in.
How Your Beliefs About Control Affect Change
Locus of control refers to a generalised belief, appraisal or understanding about what controls outcomes in life. Individuals with an internal locus of control attribute life outcomes to controllable personal factors IN their control, such as decisions, actions, and effort. They believe that what they do matters and that change is possible through their own choices, decisions and actions.
By contrast, individuals with a high external locus of control perceive life outcomes as determined by factors outside their control, such as fate, chance, luck or other people. When life feels “out of your hands,” it is common to experience feelings of helplessness, avoid taking action, or doubt that change is even possible.
While, life outcomes are usually a mix of things within our control and outside of our control, research has linked a high external locus of control with learned helplessness, low motivation, pessimism, and avoidance. In other words, when people believe their actions don’t matter, they are less likely to attempt to regulate their emotions or make meaningful changes and even when they try, their efforts may feel futile. This brings up to understanding locus of change.
What is locus of change?
Locus of change refers to where a person believes change must occur right now in order for their situation or emotional state to improve. This exists on a spectrum ranging from external to internal locus of change.
When someone has an external locus of change, improvement is seen as dependent on factors outside themselves including other people changing, circumstances improving, or problems resolving on their own. While this perspective can reflect real limitations or injustices, it often leaves people feeling stuck, powerless, or at the mercy of forces beyond their influence.
An internal locus of change, by contrast, involves recognising that while we cannot control everything that happens to us, we do have agency in areas of our lives and can influence how we respond. This includes our thoughts, emotional regulation, coping strategies, behaviours and behaviours - just to name a few. This approach fosters confidence, hope, and practical momentum, even when circumstances remain difficult.
I find that analogies can be helpful in remembering so here a few that may be helpful:
"You can't control the wind, but you can adjust your sails"
“A player can be injured, but that doesn’t mean he can’t help the team”
"You can't prevent the waves, but you can learn to surf."
"If you're dealt a bad hand, play it well."
"It's not the load that breaks you down, it's how you carry it."
"Don't curse the darkness; light a candle."
Importantly, an internal locus of change is not about blame, invalidation or minimising real external barriers or experiences. It is about identifying where change is possible and focusing energy where it can have the greatest personal impact.
A gentle note/disclaimer* For individuals who have experienced complex trauma or chronic relational harm, shifting toward an internal focus can sometimes feel confusing, invalidating or even unsafe. Trauma can lead to patterns of hyper-responsibility or self-blame and in these cases it is highly advised to seek individualised Psychological support.
Why This Matters
In reality this section is probably the only part required for this whole blog. This is because adopting an internal focus for change is crucial to recruit the only person that can REALLY change your life – you.
As opposed to many pop culture stigmas, we do not ‘treat’ people like a doctor would treat a client with prescribed medication. In fact the primary focus of any effective therapy is helping the clients help themselves. Giving someone all the answers is extremely disadvantageous as they don’t learn how to help themselves without your presence (leading to short term results at best). Then, we rob them of the opportunity to get the buzz of changing their own life and it is disrespectful and perhaps unethical to tell someone else how to live their life. Because of this, one of my favourite sayings to remind my clients is “in therapy you are not a passive recipient but an active participant”.
This is because many enter therapy (and by extension life through limited fault of their own) with a hyperfocus on their problems with other people or unchangeable, external circumstances, rather than focusing on their own roles in such problems or circumstances.
While it is absolutely important (and validating) to discuss historical events, past relationships and problematic behaviours of others or circumstantial information, we can’t change the past and people will usually fail in their attempts to change others and are instead left with feelings of hopelessness. Whereas, on the other hand we are able to understand and change ourselves including our thoughts, feelings and behavioural reactions that contribute to such difficulties. This is not at all about blaming or invalidation but rather about harbouring self-efficacy and hope.
Focusing on what you can change improves confidence, reduces frustration, strengthens resilience, and gives you practical strategies to move forward. Small internal changes can ripple outward, improving how you think, feel, and respond even when life itself doesn’t change. The purpose is to provide options. I think there is considerable merit to the belief that a lot of our problems are not our fault and this needs to be recognised. However, fixating on the source of such issues changing rather than adopting an internal focus for change we are left with no more than a blind hope or a prayer for significant change which is risky at best and hopeless at worst. Instead, when we adopt such present day responsibility (not blame which is past focused) we are provided with hope, empowerment and problem-solving skills, tools and strategies which can be of influence.
What We Can Do
Shifting your focus toward your internal locus of change starts with noticing where you are directing your energy.
Ask yourself: where is real change possible, and where am I spending energy trying to control the uncontrollable?
Start by reflecting on your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviours in situations that feel difficult or frustrating:
“What part of this situation can I actually influence?”
“How can I respond differently next time?”
“What can I do that would make the biggest difference?”
“What choices do I have in this moment?”
“Where can I get some help or support”
“If I focus on changing myself rather than others, what might be possible?”
These questions help redirect your attention from things outside your control to actions that are genuinely within your power.
From there the key is to focus on the areas you can control through action. Try and test how different responses affect the situation and your experience of it. Notice what works, what doesn’t, and what feels manageable. Over time, with some success along the way, this strengthens your confidence in making meaningful change.
For instance, if you’re frustrated with a coworker, you can’t change them but you can adjust your approach, set boundaries, or communicate differently. Over time, noticing these small shifts reinforces your sense of agency.
How Therapy Helps
Therapy provides a structured, supportive environment to explore where your locus of change currently sits and how it may be limiting you. A psychologist works collaboratively with you to identify patterns that operate outside of awareness and gently shift focus toward areas where change is possible. Importantly therapy can help you identify the common barriers that make change very difficult (both internal and external) and address these barriers.
For example, evidence-based approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Schema Therapy can help help address learned beliefs that may block change (e.g. “this is my makeup”, “I will never be able to change”, “I am just an unlucky person”. “I am not good enough”, “I am a failure and change is futile”) while other therapeutic approaches such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can help you develop awareness and acceptance of your internal experiences thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations so that you can make conscious, values-driven choices. By strengthening this internal focus, therapy helps you take meaningful steps toward changing your own life from the inside out, rather than feeling controlled by old patterns or circumstances.
Begin Your Next Step
Before you finish reading, take a moment to notice one area in your life where you feel stuck. Ask yourself: ‘What part of this situation can I realistically influence? What small step can I take today?’ Even tiny actions matter.
At Elevare Psychology and Wellbeing, our work is grounded in progress and purpose. We focus on helping you feel empowered, capable, and confident in creating meaningful change even when life circumstances are challenging.
If you’re ready to explore how shifting your locus of change can improve your wellbeing and quality of life, we’re here to help.
Book an appointment with Elevare Psychology and Wellbeing and take the next step toward lasting change.